Do you ever find yourself stuck in patterns that hold you back, like procrastination, self-doubt, or impulsive decisions? These behaviours often come from a part of us we might not even realise exists: our "shadow self."
The shadow self is the side of our personality that holds the traits and feelings we tend to hide or ignore—not because they’re bad, but because they make us uncomfortable or clash with how we want to see ourselves. While it might seem like the enemy, this hidden side of us can actually become a powerful ally when we bring it into the light and learn to work with it.
In this blog post, we dive into what the shadow self is, how it contributes to self-sabotage, and what steps you can take to turn it into a source of growth and strength.
What Is the Shadow Self?
The shadow self is a concept developed by the psychologist Carl Jung. Simply put, it’s the part of ourselves we’d rather not see—the feelings, impulses, and traits we suppress because they don’t fit with our ideal self-image or society’s expectations.
Think of it like this: if your personality were a house, the shadow would be the cluttered attic or basement where you’ve stashed away everything you’d rather not deal with. Over time, that hidden clutter can cause problems if it’s left unattended.
This "clutter" can show up in behaviours like:
Procrastination: Putting things off because deep down, you fear failure or even success.
Perfectionism: Setting impossible standards to protect yourself from vulnerability.
Impulsivity: Acting without thinking, often as a way to escape uncomfortable feelings.
Rather than disappearing, these suppressed traits influence us in ways we don’t realise, leading to self-sabotage.
How to Work with Your Shadow: Transforming Self-Sabotage
Shadow work is about getting to know and understand this hidden part of yourself. Instead of fighting or ignoring it, you bring it into the open. As Scott Jeffrey highlights in his guide to shadow work, the goal isn’t to "fix" the shadow—it’s to integrate it into your whole self.
Here are some steps to start this process:
1. Notice Your Triggers
Pay attention to the moments when you feel frustrated, embarrassed, or overly reactive. These emotions often point to parts of your shadow self trying to get your attention. For example:
Do you get irritated when someone else takes credit? This might reveal a desire for recognition you’ve been suppressing.
Do you avoid speaking up in meetings? Maybe there’s a fear of judgment hiding in the shadows.
Rather than judging yourself, get curious. Ask, “What is this reaction trying to tell me?”
2. Reflect Through Journaling
Writing can help you uncover patterns and understand your shadow self better. Try prompts like:
What traits in other people annoy me? (Often, these reflect traits in ourselves we’ve disowned.)
When have I acted in ways I didn’t understand at the time?
What behaviours do I keep repeating, even though they hold me back?
Journaling helps you bring hidden aspects of yourself into awareness so you can work with them.
3. Practise Self-Compassion
Shadow work can feel uncomfortable because it reveals parts of you that don’t align with your ideal self. Remember, everyone has a shadow. It’s not about being perfect—it’s about being whole. Treat yourself with kindness as you explore these hidden aspects of who you are.
4. Channel Shadow Energy into Growth
The shadow isn’t just a storehouse for negative traits; it also holds untapped potential. For example:
Suppressed anger can become a source of assertiveness.
Fear of failure can motivate you to prepare more thoroughly.
Hidden creativity might emerge when you give yourself permission to experiment.
Ask yourself, “How can I use this energy to move forward instead of holding myself back?”
Embracing Your Higher Self
Once you’ve started working with your shadow, you’re better positioned to connect with your higher self—the part of you that acts with clarity, compassion, and purpose. Here’s how to nurture this connection:
Mindfulness: Spend time observing your thoughts and feelings without reacting to them. This creates space for intentional choices.
Visualisation: Imagine your higher self guiding you through challenging situations. What would they say or do?
Aligned Action: Take small, purposeful steps that reflect your values and goals. Each action strengthens your connection to your higher self.
Why Shadow Integration Matters
Ignoring your shadow doesn’t make it go away; it just finds other ways to influence your life. By facing and integrating these hidden aspects, you free up mental and emotional energy, reduce self-sabotaging tendencies, and build a deeper sense of self-acceptance.
Shadow integration isn’t about achieving perfection. It’s about becoming more authentic and whole. By acknowledging all parts of yourself—the good, the bad, and the messy—you can transform your challenges into opportunities for growth.
[This practice forms an integral part of our mindset & performance coaching program.]
📞 Contact us today to learn more about how we can support you on this transformative journey!
Xin Yi Ng (Michelle)
Research & Development Lead
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