We’ve all experienced conversations that either feel surface-level or take an unexpected turn into deeper, more meaningful territory. What often makes the difference is the type of questions we ask. How we steer our conversations—whether we stay broad or dig deep—shapes the quality of our interactions.
At the heart of this dynamic is the concept of horizontal and vertical questions, which influence how we connect, understand, and engage with others. Let’s break down what these two types of questions are, how they work, and how you can use them to become a more effective communicator.
Horizontal vs. Vertical Questions: The Core Difference
Horizontal Questions: These are open-ended questions that spread the conversation wide, inviting the speaker to share a variety of thoughts, ideas, or perspectives. They tend to keep things on the surface, allowing for light, exploratory exchanges. Think of them as questions that help you “skim the surface” of a topic.
Example: “What have you been up to lately?”
In this case, the question gives the other person the freedom to talk about any aspect of their life, from work to hobbies, without needing to dive deep into any one topic.
Vertical Questions: These questions are designed to drill down into a specific aspect of what the other person has said. They guide the conversation to deeper levels of understanding, helping to uncover emotions, motivations, or personal reflections. Vertical questions allow you to “dig down” into the heart of a topic.
Example: “What’s been the biggest challenge for you at work recently?”
Here, you're narrowing the focus to one area, encouraging the person to reflect on and share more intimate or detailed thoughts about their work life.
How This Works in Real Life
Let’s say you’re at a networking event and you want to strike up a conversation with someone new. A horizontal question like “What do you enjoy doing in your free time?” is a great way to kick things off. It opens up the conversation to a range of possibilities—maybe they’ll talk about a new hobby, a recent vacation, or their favourite book. You’re keeping things light, broad, and giving the other person control over the direction.
As the conversation flows, you can shift gears with a vertical question to deepen the connection. For instance, if they mention they’ve been reading a lot lately, you could follow up with, “What’s one book that really changed how you think?” This question gets more personal, inviting them to share something more meaningful and introspective.
In a professional setting, you might be discussing a new project with your team. You could start with a horizontal question to gauge overall progress: “How is everyone feeling about where we’re at with this project?” Once you have a sense of the general vibe, you can move to vertical questions to dig deeper into specific challenges: “What’s one hurdle we need to overcome to meet our deadline?”
Tips You Can Start Using Today
Use Horizontal Questions to Build Rapport: Whether you’re talking to a colleague, friend, or stranger, starting with horizontal questions helps set a comfortable, exploratory tone. You’re showing openness and curiosity, which helps build trust.
Try: “What’s been keeping you busy recently?” or “How was your weekend?”
Go Vertical for Deeper Connections: Once the conversation has a foundation, don’t be afraid to ask vertical questions that prompt reflection. These questions often lead to more memorable, impactful exchanges.
Try: “What’s been the most rewarding part of your week?” or “How did that experience shape your perspective?”
Balance the Two: It’s important to balance both types of questions. Too many horizontal questions can make the conversation feel superficial, while too many vertical questions too early can come off as intense or probing. Think of it like a dance—start with horizontal questions to open up, then move vertically to deepen the connection.
Listen for Cues: Pay attention to how the other person responds. If they’re giving short answers to vertical questions, it might be a sign to pull back and stay on the surface for a bit longer. Conversely, if they’re giving rich details in response to horizontal questions, you’ve likely found an opening to go deeper.
This is Just a Snapshot…
The balance between horizontal and vertical questions can transform the way you communicate, helping you navigate between casual chit-chat and meaningful conversations. Whether you're trying to connect with a new acquaintance or deepen an existing relationship, mastering this balance will make you a more thoughtful, impactful communicator.
If this has sparked your interest, it’s just a snapshot of what you can expect from our upcoming free communication workshop designed for Queensland Mental Health Week. We’ll dive deeper into the mindset and techniques behind asking the right questions at the right time, helping you sharpen your communication skills for both personal and professional success.
If you're ready to learn more about effective communication to connect authentically with others & boost your mental health at the same time, join us in our free workshop!
We'll leave the link for it here ~
Xin Yi Ng (Michelle)
Research & Development Lead
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